T.I.C. (This Is Colombia)

For those who don't yet know, Colombians are notorious for following one rule -- that the rules can change at any time. When you think you've got a process figured out, someone will require something different just because. There is no real ryhme or reason, it just is the way it is. Upon my first visit to Shanghai my friends told me of an expression "T.I.C." which stood for "This Is China." They used it as the answer anytime something peculiar would present itself, and I found that it also aptly applied to Colombia. Maybe it's something with countries starting with the letter "C." That would explain Canada!

Renting 101 - Colombian style

Another week passed with little progress on the leases for the apartment and gym, and in fact things got quite confusing. On Monday morning I was told I'd have to put up a guarantee for each property in excess than originally discussed. Now, bear in mind I already proposed paying 3 months up front for the apartment, and 3 months upfront for the gym. Given the currency exchange rates near multi-year highs, I figured why not lock in a good rate. I'd offer more, but I do have TWO rents rather than one. Anyway, the "guarantee" I was informed about Monday morning was vaguely described as 6 months rent for the apartment and 3 more months rent for the gym, and could be in the form of a "deposit" or "insurance."

I like to think that while I've moved to Bogota, I still have kept my wits about me. My understanding of insurance coincides with that of the rest of the civilized world - that one pays a premium to have an insurance company guarantee a sum of money be paid to the policy holder or beneficiary upon some event. I checked, and confirmed that my understanding was indeed the norm -- http://www.investorwords.com/2510/insurance.html. So, I was a bit surprised when I was told that "insurance" meant making a full payment to the landlord. I countered by saying, "isn't that a deposit? I thought insurance meant I pay premiums to someone but didn't have to put up all the money." However, I was rebuffed. Perhaps Colombia is a bizarro-insurance land. Who the hell knows?

Well, after speaking with friends, I learned that while Colombia has many peculiarities (more shortly), the concept of insurance here is the same as it is the world over. The person telling me about the guarantees was incorrect. But throughout the week it was organized confusion in its finest, a clusterfuck if you will, as details changed and communication breakdowns abound. With Monday's crisis defused by the addition of a second coduedor (think co-signer), things looked back on track. But by Thursday it became clear, at least to me, that details about one of my coduedor's situations was not properly conveyed, which led to the brokers' wanting to pull both properties off the table because the documentation he provided did not show the kind of support they wanted to see. That's because he, like any smart businessperson, has much of his assets in the name of the company or his spouse to reduce his tax burden. This fact was not conveyed, so the brokers were irate when they saw bank statements and formularios that looked less than stellar. But nerves were calmed and new terms were offered by the end of the week, which sounded awfully similar to those of Monday.

So, tomorrow is the showdown with the brokers to come to some sort of a resolution. I am armed with cash waiting in the U.S., two coduedors, my lawyer and my accountant. My business registration should be complete by tomorrow, which means I'll have the documents necessary to establish a corporate bank account even though I, myself, cannot be a signer on the account (strange I know). But this will start to make things easier as I will be able to get my "Business Owner Visa" and Cedula (national ID card). After such I will be somebody! We'll see if I can break this logjam.

Why Ask Why?

Over the past month and a half that I've been here, I've noticed some strange things. Some, I've been lucky enough to photograph (right), while others I have not. Below is a list of some oddities I've witnessed in Colombia. Regardless of how strange you think some may be you've got to take my word for it that they're true.

• Eating hamburgers with plastic gloves on - I suppose this is done in an effort to avoid getting ketchup, mustard or other burgerly scents on the fingers. Kinda makes sense since my fingers always smell of ketchup after eating a burger, but still looks like something out of Silence of the Lambs.
• Women cleaning the men's restroom while men are still in it - this one is just downright strange to me.
  
• Complete disregard for red lights - they might as well not even spend the money on traffic lights since no one cares if they're red or green.
  
• "Cuantos cuartos?" - a question asked anytime you pay with a credit card. Here there is an option to split your bill into multiple payments throughout the year, so in a sense, spreading your bill out on your credit card. Kinda seems redundent, doesn't it? Needless to say, I always say "uno."
  

Shipping not included.

I tried shipping some items from the U.S. for the first time, and the packages actually arrived to my pleasant surprise. However, upon their arrival more than a week ago, they were stuck in customs. Once finally released earlier this week I was contacted to coordinate a delivery time. Of course, they said "por la manana" and by 3pm there was no delivery. So I went out to do a workout before training others, and sure enough the delivery man showed up at my friend's apartment around 4pm with my packages.

However, despite my registering my credit card with the shipping company, I received a call from my friend's wife telling me that the delivery man was demanding payment in cash! Well, that is a surprise. After bombarding the company's website demanding they charge my credit card as instructed for the shipping fees, etc., because in the event something was lost, stolen or damaged I'd want some records. My efforts were in vain, as I was told Colombia didn't have a capability to charge credit cards for these fees. So, I finally gave up, told them to hold my packages at their office and paid in cash so they would release my packages. However, I am so angry at Aeropost about their misleading me that I am demanding a refund of my "registration" fee, and am considering filing a complaint against them with the Better Business Bureau. Sure, my packages got here, but the service is far from what is promised.

Trick or Treat!

Of course, the week ended with Halloween. My favorite of all Holidays. No matter how much you hype it up, it never seems to let you down. This year, my friends and I decided to dress as a 1970s basketball team, topped off with a red, white and blue ABA style basketball. Our destination, Andres of course, for their annual Halloween party. Now on a normal Saturday night Andres is indescribably amazing, but on Halloween it was beyond. Our costumes were quite a hit. I don't have photos yet, but will post some as soon as I do.

[Updated Friday @ Noon]

Okay folks, here are a few of the photos from Halloween...


And George Michael decided to join the team late night...